Comments on: Never Criticize, Condemn, or Complain

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:41:02 +0000

I think that you forgot 1 important thing not to do : it’s compare.
People, please stop comparing yourself to others all the time it’s killing you!

By: Elena

Elena — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:26:54 +0000

My take is: never criticize people not smart enough to learn from criticism. I wish I was been criticized more by smart people in my life.

By: Juan Sidberry

Juan Sidberry — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:48:50 +0000

Like and appreciate the article. You make some very good points and thank you for the references to other works and articles.

I think Jack makes a very good validation of your point on “Offending” people. I agree with his statement in that one should address the behavior or the task and not the person. The person is never being criticized and the work that they do is not being condemned. What is being addressed is that the person and the tasks are addressing the problem or meeting the goals.

Jack’s examples are very good and should be referenced when one comes to the question of: I am criticizing or condemning in this situation?

I read that passage by Dale Carnegie in 1987 and have been practicing it ever sense. I do fault every once in a while, but I have managed to maintain it as a principle in my relationships. And that is what’s being ask: to practice the principle, not to master it flawlessly.

By: Jack

Jack — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 07:12:39 +0000

I think that the issue here is not whether or not you will be “offending” someone with your words, but what you are actually saying and how it is being “framed.” As long as you frame your statement in such a way that you are not directly criticizing someone, that’s the important part. You have no way of controlling how another individual will react to things that you say or do, so do not concern yourself with that. Basically, avoid putting the blame on the individual.

For instance, I work as an art director. Say one of my colleagues gives me a design for a project, and I disapprove of it. I can say one of the following:

1) “This is trash”/”You are a bad designer”
2) I don’t think this layout fits with the mood and style we are trying to achieve because…blahblabla

In option 1, I am directly criticizing the person and insulting their work, big NO-NO. This only frustrates and angers the individual and has zero benefit.

In option two, I am not criticizing the individual, but rather a work that that individual has created. Framing it this way allows for the individual to objectively view their work, and distance themselves from personal feelings that they attach to it. By giving specific reasons why I don’t think the design works, I am showing that I respect them and allowing them to understand my perspective.