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A week or two ago, I left off my romantic affair with a permanent friendship. However, things have not gone quite as simply as I’d imagined, as romantic feelings seem to surge up at random times on both of our parts. Following sincereness forms a lasting friendship, we’d decided to not talk to each other for 12 days until work and exams are over, so that we both have more time to study and work.

While that makes perfect, logical sense, it actually had the opposite effect. We talked for about 6 hours the day before, to “get it out of our system”. Then, two day later, we talked for 25 hours straight! I had decided that in relationships, I would let my emotions do most of the talking, and talk it did. I’ve never quite experienced anything like this before. Very interesting and intense conversations just seemed to flow out of thin air, and we both discovered a thing or two about ourselves. It was amazing how unique idea after unique idea just formed between the two of us, creating insights that either of us would’ve ever imagined before. This continued for a day or two more.

Over the weekend, I decided to go to a retreat to recoup myself from the lack of sleep and to ponder over my situation. Looking over my life, I’d never known anyone who knew me so deeply or so well. I had originally wanted to be her friend to not influence her decision, but then I realized that I was part of the information! I thought, “Since I found the right girl, why not do my best to convince her?” Such a person doesn’t come along very often – maybe even just once a lifetime. Therefore, I should present myself as best as possible as a contender for a long term relationship.

Before long, I returned home and the 12+ hour conversations resumed. Needless to say, this wasn’t exactly good for either of our health, class, or career. However, because this type of thing has never happened to me before, it seemed like an experience very much worth pursuing. We liken it to an addiction, perhaps much worse than heroine or cocaine. Everything else seems relatively trivial.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that a lack of sleep tends to bring out the more emotional, primitive parts of people. Generally at around 6am in the morning, we had some quarrels over stuff that isn’t quite remembered or some tender words to say to each other. It really allows us to see who the person is underneath.

I did discover some darker parts of my personality as well, such as guilt, narrow-mindedness, anger, etc. which comes from my emotional side. However, I also realized that I had a great passion and drive underneath which more than compensates for these other attributes. The trick, I think, would be to try to harness that emotional power while still maintaining logical control.

This week, she’ll be spending some of time with her boyfriend, so we’ll see how that works in terms of the connection.

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2 Responses to “What Seems Closed Isn’t Quite Closed”

  1. Cami on April 21st, 2010 7:19 am

    I had a relationship exactly like this. Though were not together anymore (for stupid reasons on my part). I will never love another man more than I loved him. I still talk to him every once in a while, and we still talk about how close we were together and things that we did together. I honestly feel lost without him. Weve been split up for almost 7 years now and we live on opposite sides of the US from each other. & we can not talk for 2 or 3 months and he will call me out of nowhere, and we can just start talking and bring up conversations like we never stopped talking in the first place. I want to get over him because its killing me, but I just dont think I ever will?! We both try to move on. & I honestly think weve probably both even tried to just forget each other completely. But nothing works and I know he feels the same, even though at times he tries to deny it; I know him too well. All of my relationships since then have turned to crap. & his have 2. & I know its because we still love each other and cant get over each other. Anyways though, if you have a relationship with this girl like youre saying, then you should feel lucky! It may not be good for your health, class, or career. But I can definitely tell you that if you love her, then you better not let her go, cause regardless of how bad it is in those few ways- you will never be as happy as you are when you talk to her, if you let her go.. );

  2. alter on November 21st, 2010 7:33 am

    Hi Actually i really have almost the same story, i mean i m talking with him since 2007 about everything even if nothing’s special but we always find a good parts in our conversations and we just laugh all the time …but last summer he just stopped talking to me ,he blocked my msn but he always logged his FB (i knew that he was hidding from me but why ???still don’t know the reason even now we began to talk as before …actually i asked him and he said that he was working and he couldn’t find time to talk blablabla (& of course i can’t beleive him but i will no longer insist…)
    to be honest ,i really tried to avoid thinking of him and tried to forget him completely but i CAN’T …we are so far of each other but i feel sometimes that he’s so close to me .I’m in love with him or is just a habit (good or bad one ?)i think i agree with you “it’s maybe an addiction perhaps much worse than heroine or cocaine” !!!