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After two interesting days in A Throbbing Heart Leads To A Sleepless Night and Another Awakening At 3am, I’d thought that I was pretty much through most of it. There were still a few coals of sadness left forming a slightly heavy feeling, but I knew that would soon pass.

It’s usually in these situations that I work especially hard. I guess a loss of part of oneself forces a person to want to strengthen his/her existing relationships with other people. For me, that usually translated to work. Since I was already up really early, I decided to go to work at about 6am. I hadn’t been getting a lot of work done since opera practice lasted from 5-12 every night for the last week and I’d been spending most of my work hours talking, so it’s only natural that I try to make it up.

Of course, efficiency was still somewhat low, as a lack of sleep affected my memory and a lack of recent activity resulted in a somewhat alarmingly low amount of knowledge on what I’m supposed to be working on. Nevertheless, I did get a decent amount of work done. I’d stayed off IM on purpose, since I knew that it’d probably take a while to talk to the girl I liked. I wanted both of us to get some work done first, so I signed on at around the time she gets off work.

Ironically, she must’ve had a similar thought process! Only two minutes ago, she’d sent me a long email, sharing her thoughts with me. Interestingly enough, she’d only done so because my blog made my thoughts available to her. Kind of makes me wonder how things would’ve turned out if I’d kept my thoughts to myself. Perhaps the atmosphere of trust would have replaced by an atmosphere of deceit and things would’ve gone nowhere. The way things went though, she’d combed through my thoughts looking for indications of me only pretending to care about her, which is similar to what I’d done. Yet, there just wasn’t any of that to be found. Every single thought showed respect and consideration. What can the conclusion be except that there is a real friendship underneath? She told me that she would be available to talk to me any time since she really valued our friendship.

I was very surprised by how important trust was in this process. She’d extended a branch because she was sure that I wasn’t just talking to her because of the possibility of romance. I’d continued to talk to her because I felt sure she wasn’t just holding on to me because she wanted the security and the attention. It’s so easy to suspect random things about the other person like maybe she didn’t want to look bad on my blog, or maybe I’m just trying to keep things going so I would have a chance later, etc. However, once you understand and trust the other person, you just simply see that these things aren’t the case. I think this is an important lesson to remember, in any interaction with another human being.

I exercised the option that she gave me and arranged for us to talk at night. I’d worried a bit as this is the first time we’ll be talking on the phone. Instant message is an asynchronous type of communication (where both people can be talking at the same time), but phone conversations are synchronous and moves at a much faster pace. That plus I can’t rewind a phone conversation if I forget something.

Things turned out okay just as well as on instant message though. It’s really the ideas and understanding of each other that brought us together in the first place, which really didn’t change on the phone. We talked and laughed, and I could feel a strong bond forming from respect and understanding.

I went to sleep feeling fairly satisfied and woke up this morning feeling the same way, so I guess my emotions agree with this resolution. Logically though, I do wonder whether I’m feeling better because perhaps the possibility of romance has opened up once again in the future. However, as I thought about it more and more, I realized once again that the future isn’t in my control. Anything is possible in the future.

It’s not the thought of the possibility of romance that determines whether I’d make a good friend. It’s how I feel about the possibility of not having a romance that determines if I really care. I’m trying to imagine her ten years down the road, settling down, having a happy family with someone else, with me visiting from time to time. All I can see though is a curious girl who once pulled out a chair from underneath her aunt poking around, looking at things in ways that only I seem to understand. I see myself looking on with perhaps a tear in my eye and a big smile on my face.

No jealousy. No anger. No resentment.

Just a feeling of understanding.

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4 Responses to “Sincereness Forms A Lasting Friendship”

  1. rohan on September 15th, 2008 3:28 am

    This is gold! :) All the articles about “the girl”. Incredible how I can relate.
    …there’s a good chance she might be moving half way across the world.. :( .. any thoughts?

  2. Goodfella on September 5th, 2009 4:28 pm

    Wow. I have just related with your last 3 posts, especially the ones about the throbbing heart and awake at 3 am.

    Your thoughts are so well formed. This has helped me greatly. I realized that some of my thoughts had only been a fantasy of the girl I liked, and not the actual girl at this moment.

    However, I’m so confused because we both said we like each other, but now she seems to be acting different with me.

    Thanks for your words, they’re great.

  3. Jucy on August 24th, 2010 12:23 am

    What you speak of is called: LIMERANCE. :)
    Also, you may have some Venus-Neptune aspects here to look at. Want a free reading?? Just get in contact with me. Cheers, Abella –>

    I can also be found at

  4. berni on November 30th, 2010 7:18 pm

    I met someone over the internet & got a chance to see what his views and thoughts 1 year before we actually talked for the first time; during the year I saw him change, grow and develope. Eventually I built up the courage to contact him. He accepted and we hit it off.I felt an instant connection/attraction to him. He is a wonderful man – funny, intelligent and so able. I find it so hard to “keep my feelings” quite from him. I know he doesn´t know me that long, so the intensity felt is different. I have thought about the future and I would love for him to be a part of it. Even if we are not “ment to be” he has touched my life,changed it for better, made me think of things and I value his friendship. I trust him. I don´t know if I have ruined my changes with him as I have been stalking him by email. I have to give him a change for him to make a move too. The funny thing is that when you meet “virtually” you met “backwards” first knowing the emotions, then the gestures and finally the physical part; when you actually meet for the first time and then it is like starting a “second” opportunity to rediscover someone. I haven´t met him yet but all I know is that he is somone special and that I never want to have him out of my life as a friend or a lover. I would prefer the two.