Aug
30
How To Overcome Fear And The Obstacles It Creates
Filed Under Career, Conciousness, Entrepreneurship, Health, Motivation & Purpose, The Bigger Perspective |
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A Story About Fear
Some years ago, I went to an amusement park with my mother. At first, she was somewhat afraid of the roller coaster, but eventually relented in the name of adventure. As we boarded the roller coaster, I could see the tension in my mother’s body, undoubtedly caused by the adrenaline coursing through her veins with each hearbeat. I was probably feeling the same way, but since this is another one of those situations over which you have no control, it didn’t really bother me that much. Hey, if this was my day to die, then it is my day to die - might as well enjoy the ride before the accident!
As I finished my thought, the roller coaster started moving slowly. I could feel the weight of the metal that was going to hurl me at whirling speeds in a few minutes. My mother’s grip tightened with each passing second. I can only imagine what was going through her head right then. It probably contained some images of her flying through the air diving towards the ground.
Pretty soon, we were at the top. You could see my mother tensed and ready for a battle to the death. I, on the other hand, was as relaxed as I possibly could be, eagerly waiting to see what kind of strange sensations a couple extra gs would bring.
Before long, the roller coaster went over its apex and started accelerating downwards. At that time, I haven’t ridden a roller coaster in a while, so some terrifying sensations was definiately expected, Strangely, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d thought. The upwards “pull” feeling on my stomach wasn’t nearly as strong as I’d remembered. Maybe it has something to do with growing up and having a bigger body. Anyway, the random motions still seemed interesting, jerking me back and forth. I sat there, looking around at stuff at weird angles. I could probably have had a sandwich and read a book without it bothering me too much.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of my mother. She was completely bent over, with her head in between her arms, in one of the most terrified positions a person can be in. I couldn’t help but notice the irony of the situation. It reminds me of those cartoons where two guys fall off a roof, one guy lands on the floor, while another guy is grasping desperately onto the lowest ledge, only inches from the ground. The first guy taps the on the shoulder of the second guy, kind of saying, “Hey eerr, you know you can let go right?” This is exactly what I tried to do - I leaned over and gently tapped on mom on the back, seeing if she’ll relax. She barely acknowledged me, completely paralyzed by her own fear. Later, as we were getting off, she told me that she sprained her neck on the ride.
I am reminded of this experience every time I see people make a really big deal out of not so bad situations. For example, we hear of college students committing suicide because of the pressure of getting good grades. It’s so tempting to tap them on the shoulder and say, “You know - all that piece of paper says is you don’t know it very well right now - it’s not like you can’t just learn it later!” This is an example of something that could just be ignored, but instead is blown up into ridiculous proportions, just like Jack and Bob in The Key To A Healthy Relationship.
I’ve actually known the college student mentioned above personally. We played chess together at one point in high school and I knew him to be one of the smartest people in the school. Yet, from what I’ve heard, he jumped off a bridge from the pressure of graduate school and because his best friend also did the same.
The Obstacles That Our Fears Create
In both of these situations, the person in question created a seemingly unsurmountable obstacle that exists solely in their imagination. In my mom’s case, she was so sure that she was going to die on the roller coaster that day, that she did everything she could to avoid the experience. As a result, not only did she not enjoy the ride, she had a sprained neck to go along with it. In the case of the student jumping off the bridge, he probably viewed certain accomplishments in graduate school as the ultimate achievement in life. Because he thought that if he didn’t achieve this, his life would have no meaning, he ended his life just to avoid “failing” at this imaginary task.
Looking around, there are numerous instances of fears that keep people from getting what they want every day. A guy standing next to a girl who likes him but he’s afraid of asking out. So he walks away, leaving himself and the girl disappointed. A guy who wants to start a business but sees all the problems before they even manifest. Ultimately, he decides against it because these problems seem so unsurmountable, leaving himself and his potential clients unhappy. Every day, many people are prevented from accomplishing their dreams due to these imaginary obstacles. I am sure that I have had my fair share of these unjustified fears. Here’s a few tips for combatting them:
Recognize Your Fears - First, you need to recognize that this is indeed one of the fears you have. If you already accept this particular fear as the absolute truth, then there is no way to face that particular fear and hence no way to overcome it. For example, say you want to start a business, but you are afraid of taking risks. Every time someone talks to you about starting a business, your immediate response is “Oh, that’s too risky for me”. In this instance, you have so internalized the fear of taking risks that you don’t even recognize it as one of your fears anymore. In your world, it becomes an absolute truth that starting a business = bad. You no longer recall why or how you came to that conclusion, just that it is.
This is an extremely dangerous mode to get into because not only are your fears limiting your progress, you don’t even know that it is! This is the very situation that the graduate student who committed suicide got himself into. He became so obsessed with doing well in school and feared failing so much, that failing = the end of life for him. Once he saw that he couldn’t accomplish what he wanted, he figured he was going to “die anyway”, so he might as well do it earlier.
You should always very carefully examine the reasons why you choose not to do something. As long as something doesn’t kill you or permanently injure you in some way, you can do it! Start by making a list of anything you want to do. If an automatic thought crosses your mind stating some reason you can’t do it now, that is the result of some sort of fear. For example, let’s say you want to start a business but you can’t do it now because you don’t have enough money, that is the result of the fear of going broke, the fear of being hungry, the fear of having no shelter, etc. Or maybe you are not talking to the guy or girl you like because now is not a good time. That is the result of the fear of being rejected, the fear of not belonging, the fear of being inadequate, etc. Write down the reasons you have and the fears associated with those reasons.
Once you have recognized your fears, you can now work towards defeating them. These are the things that are holding you back from exploring more possibilities and limiting your growth as a person.
Understanding The Root Of Your Fears - With your list of fears that are holding you back, you can now try to figure out where these fears come from. For each item on the list, examine whether this fear is the result of some other fears. Your goal is to consolidate your list to as few fears as possible, so that you can better understand where the root of your all your fears are coming from. For example, say one of the items on your list is the fear of being poor. Ask yourself, why am I afraid of being poor? Maybe it’s because being poor limits your freedom. Maybe it makes you insecure about your ability to support yourself. From that one fear, you have actually expanded your list to two fears. Continue this process and ask yourself why you are afraid of having no freedom and why you are afraid of being unable to support yourself.
When you start this exercise, your list will probably grow bigger and bigger as your discover more and more of your fears. However, like finding bugs in software engineering (and then fixing them), you eventually will hit a peak and the number on that list will start to decrease. Try to find as many common base fears as possible, so that you have a smaller number of fears to have to work on. I also find this excerise to really help with knowing yourself better.
When I finished this process, I only had one fear left on the list - the fear of not existing.
Overcoming Your Fears - Fear, as far as I can tell, is the result of uncertainty about a situation. We fear death because we don’t know what happens after it. We fear losing our jobs because we don’t know if there is another way we’ll be able to support ourselves. We fear asking a person out on a date because we don’t know what the other person’s expectations are and whether they would say yes or no. In all of these instances, fear comes from not knowing what we would do should some particular situation happen.
To get rid of the fear, simply figure out what you will do in each of the possible scenarios. For example, for the fear of asking someone out on a date, figure out what you would do if he/she says yes, he/she says no, he/she says yes with a smile, he/she says no with a smile, he/she throws a glass of water at you, etc. Once you know exactly how to handle every single situation, there is simply nothing to be afraid of anymore.
Of course, it’s not always easy to plan out exactly what to do in every situation. How do you even go about doing that? There are infinite number of situations that can come up, so there is no way to “memorize the correct action” for each particular situation. This is where knowing your purpose in life helps tremendously. When you have a definite purpose that encompasses all situations, then you will always have something fall back on if you don’t know exactly what to do.
For me, that purpose is existence. In any situation where I am unsure or confused, I will pick the option that maximizes my existence. Dying? No problem, I will just create as much stuff as possible (could be things or ideas) while I am alive and my existence will become these things. Asking for a date? if yes, we find out more about each other. If no, I go back to my happy single life and possibly try again at a later time. Losing my job? I will try to find some other way to increase my existence. Sure, I may still be afraid from time to time since I haven’t worked every single thing out, but given a bit of time, I will always know which path to take.
Having this purpose is like having a giant compass whenever you are lost. You may not know where you are now, but you will always end up at your destination if you follow the general. Knowing this, what is there to be afraid of? You will get what you want, you are heading the right way, and you do know what to do when you are lost. Since this is an internal thing, this sure seems like a good saying: “For all problems, look inside yourself”.
Figure out your purpose and fear will never control you!
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how to overcome fear of flying
iam afraid and i don,t know why and from any thing
I really gained from your writings. KUDOS!
I will like to ask… You talked about “figuring out what you will do in each of the possible scenarios”, I want to tell you that there are some situations when one would have figured out so many great points, but at the point of pouring out what was on mind, you found out that the gut you had while you were alone figuring out points was not there anymore.
So my question goes thus: what can be done to retain the boldness while in the real scene ?
I will appreciate your quick response. Thank you
@Dammy: Thanks! Yeah, that one is hard! You can try imagining the scenario over and over before you do it so that you get used to it and know what to do in every situation. Otherwise, you’ll just have to experience it over and over again until the logic becomes an instictive response.
Thanks for the suggestions. I feel better already. I just hope that they help me conquer my fear.
i don’t know why i feel fear while giving speech. suggest me
this suggestion is good.
i liked it.
thank you
how to do it?
it became effective for me.
how to overcome fear of speaking to others
send some articles about fear.
this became very helpful to me
I am in a relationship with man and I can’t seem to let go of him. I baby him a lot and in a way I feel like a mom to him. One reason I can’t let go is because the fear of letting someone so close to me go, I guess like letting go a child. He wants me to stay, but he doesn’t want to get married. I am in my early 30’s and feel the need to start a family of my own and he can’t give me that. Can you help me relate the ways of overcoming fear in my siltation. I am having a hard time understanding how to..
want more info on how to over come my fear of becoming a succesful man.
i have a fear of death and it is really tormemting me. since a had my daughter i am constantly thinking whats gonna happen to her if i die and whats gonna happen to me . i believe in god and i know there is life after death. my heart pounds so much and i feel so cold then i experinece pains in my back. ii want to overcome this fear and stop thinking about death at all times, how do i do it?
help
lola
Hi lola,
What you have i suspect is a little panic disorder there. You sound overwhelmed by the feeling of fear. If it’s happening a large portion of your day, go to your doctor and he may prescribe some drugs to ease yr troubles a little.
While you do that there are panic and worry self help kits like the Lindon method or panic away, or even Lucinda basset. Which enable you to get that distance from your fears.
The root of most irrational fears or fears that are more than they should be is that it is chemical imbalance (perfectly normal) that gets you questioning and all sorts and you start thinking that these are the causes for all the strange symptoms.
Here is my favorite instant technique to overcome your fear:
1. Think of a situation that you are afraid of. You have to be very specific about it. Like “I’m afraid to ask my boss for a raise.”
2. Imagine the worst outcome possible. I mean the very worst outcome. (”Ex: You would be fired because you dared to ask for a raise and you could never get a job again.”) What are the real chances for that outcome? Almost zero I guess.
3. Imagine a possible failure. A real one. What could you learn from it? Would your life change dramatically if you would fail? What would be the experience for you?
4. Ask yourself the following question: Which is more painful? The FEAR to act or having every day the same FRUSTRATION if you don’t act.
5. Imagine the best outcome. See yourself coming out successful from the situation. Close your eyes and imagine how would you look like, how would your environment look like and how would you feel inside.
6. Burn the bridge behind you and TAKE ACTION! You have to do something, which makes it impossible for you to turn back. You have to face your fear. (”Ex: Tell your boss that you want a private meeting with him.”)
[...] and overcome fear. Learn to spot what fear looks like in yourself. Sometimes people spend so much energy avoiding [...]
[...] and overcome fear. Learn to spot what fear looks like in yourself. Sometimes people spend so much energy avoiding [...]
How to overcome underestimation
Its Really an excellent ways of tackling the Fears with in us.I will take this as a tools for over coming all the Fears in me and will get the best results by doing good activites with out Fear for myself and my family and to the society.
I’m afarid of people hurting my family and friends. Like robbers and everything. My mother prays for me but I still fear about the subject. I can’t sleep properly at night, I stay up late wondering “Is this the night?” I mean it has to happen to us someway or another? I just wish it wouldn’t. How to I overcome this fear?
I need more information on”how overcome fear”
thanks
Hey,thanks,it really helped.Asante sana.
Before entering the situation i will be keep on imagining and the fear will be rulling me which it disappoint me and loosing my interest on all the things
When i get into that situation,succesfully I will overcome that.
Sudhindra.R
well, thanks for you word, it really help me alot to overcome my fears nows. well my own story is a different case bcos before i read i ur word, i was so rejected bcos i av to leave someone i luv for are to be serious, in which she is not been serious. well please what can i do in this situation. bcos we are not free to talk to ourselves again has we always did before.
i am fgfgfgWEJNTRT
Thank you for this article. I am very enlightened. I now know why I act the way I act in my 30 years of living. =)
very good really helpfull
i really thanks to u for this article.it helped me to over come my fear, i love one, she also but she always say lie to me,so i fear of all she may leave me,, help me to give some words.
I have a feeling of rejection of my ideas.
nd one more thing that bothers me is the feeling that I am a girl and grls are week as compared to guys. I don’t know how to overcome it….
plzz help
Thanks!
Even thought it may not have helped me acomplish my goal, It might help for other fears I might develop in future life. I’m still a kid, So whats the worry?
How do I not be scared of doing a backflip on a Trampoline? I could do a Frontflip but not a Backflip, Please help
i canot feel myself.my conscience is lost,i dont or can’t know anything.i guess im carrying a lot of bottled up emotions with me .it’s hit me to a great extent that now my words have no meaning,i cant make a meaning for myself.i tooo low beaten by abuse and physical violence in my past,when i was probably 8.now im 16 yrs,i can;t look at myself(inside).fear has hit me very badly im not able to do anything,i mean mentally .im just working like a machine.doing wat other people say,i cant think for myself,im trapped,however free it is on the outside im not able to come out.im constantly (auto)defending myself.i have no control over the defensive mechanism.the inside of me is completely gone.its burning inside me.cann anybody please help me?im not expecting anything big,just give your suggestions
To the guy/girl above me. Try to open your heart to one particular person that you feel you can trust. Tell them what you’re going through, and allow them to relate to you. You may have experienced dramatic pain and i’m sorry. But you must realize you are not alone in your pain. In order to do that, you must try to prevent yourself from closing yourself off. Good luck and God strength.
Oh and to the one who wrote this article. Thanks i appreciate it. Wish me luck as i attempt to conquer my fears and live this gift of life.
Hi, appreciate your article. I need more information on”how overcome fear”
thanks..do u have compiled links?
YOU WRITEUP RELY ENCOURAGED ME ON HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU
i m scared of oing to jail as i was caught in drink and drive case in india and now i m so scared that i m not sleeping at night i do not eat well how o overcome his fear pls help
how to overcome fear of speaking to other people
often, i am hold back by my fears to achieve what i actually want. i hate it because in the end,i will blame and question myself, “why didn’t i..”,”i should have…”,”if only..”. thus, live ur life like you will never it twice. conquer those fears! they are just obstacles to your goals! i am going to try listing out my fears and overcome them. i am not going to let my fears control my purpose!! cheers =D
i feel so guilty and i always have a fear of dying and getting bad response from others.My friend who was close to me we did so many things together and we also used to go for the sex wid prostitute and we did many thing together.And after sometime we didnt met a lot and he used to stay alone and unnoticed.Suddenly he drank a poison he is in the treatment right now.His condition is his mother was dead when he was a child he does nothing and he was trying to go abroad for a work but it didnt succided.He was staying wid his sister and brother in law.What could be the possible reason that he might have taken that poison.I feel so guilty and fear from his condition.What should i do i m stressed.
I have a fear of emotional pain. My husband has been unfaithfull and has lied to me so much. I love him and don’t want to leave. We are trying to get past these problems in our relationship but the fear of these things happening again is holding me back and for the life of me I cant get past it. Does anyone have suggestions on how to do this. I am at a loss. Thanky you.
fear is the state of the Mind.
lack of faith if richness in fear
lack of action increases fear
lack of positive inspiration promotes fear
lack of trust elevate fear.
lack of hope generates fear.
I loved your article… it reminded me of one I read not to long ago. I found these really inspirational as well. http://blog.dalecarnegie.com/tipsforsuccess/20-tips-on-overcoming-fear/ I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
hi,i am mark from the Philippines.i just wanted to ask on how to overcome my fear on Facing reality.i do experience a lot of problems but coping with it is a very hard task. I am hoping for your kind response Thanks a lot!
how to overcome the fear of beaing beaten up? and fear of the outside world…it has become a fobhia for me already..
I use this Observational Mental Exercise that’s like a meditation, a centering/calming exercise and it brings me such peace, self-control and silences the endless chatter in my mind so much so that my intuition is sharpened, and I am led from within. Fears and hangups I have had have disappeared, I not only lost 140lbs, but have kept it off for almost 30yrs, and stayed married for almost that amount of time, too.
http://www.patriotoutreach.org is a 501c founded by Col. Monaco. He has discovered this same exercise I use can heal, even curing PTSD completely and he not only offers this for free download from his charity, but has active-duty military using it, too.
Keep you fear under control, don’t let it grown on you, the secret is to confront & conquer it on a consistent basis
well such types of fear are quite different from emotional fears………like fear of mingling with people and so we tend to worry and think a lot over what others might think about us. How do we get rid of such fears?
i ll work on it… then i ll reply
I went to hypnosis class, & i have read on the internet that when you fear during the process their is potential danger. Also you can lose your mental equilibrium(like pyshopathology,scizneporiunm)
I went to hypnosis class, I feared after attending the sesion on 3rd day. Now I am under terrible depression & fear that I will not be normal because I have read on the internet that there are adverse effects of hypnosis like pyshopathology, sceznophoria when anybody fear during the process of hypnosis.
help me to overcome my fear
Dear Warren,
Thank you for taking time to post your ideas and insights online. Your post has led me to take time to remember and realize what my single-minded purpose is and also to list my fears.
This is very helpful, thank you.
hi i’m joanna… i just want to ask some help on how to overcome my fear with ghost… i’m 20 years old but still i’m like this, please help me
I have problem with fear of girlfriend. I try ovrcome fear and took off clothes in cafe. I only got bad lookings from peoples. I like your writing but it is not helping.
Hi there, my major fear is failure.At the moment in my life, my girlfriend of 5 years has broken it off because I dont want to get married or not yet and have all the responsibilites of a father. She has a 8year old girl which I love, how do I overcome this? in my mind I manifest failure of myself and of the peole I love. I just cant see what my purpose in life is. Please help.
Hi i have a fear that god has not made my life companion(husband).how to overcome this?
[...] Warren Wong tells how fear may be holding you back and what to do about it in his post, How To Overcome Fear And The Obstacles It Creates. [...]
how to overcome fear of darkness and ghosts
Great article. I have two main fears. They just kick in automatically without telling me and kaput goes everything.
Fear 1: Entrance exam. I am appearing for CAT (an Exam for MBA in India). One of the sections is on Data interpretation and Reasoning. The questions are sometimes out of the world. There is no formula to solve them but if one thinks and tries to make a logic out of it, it can be solved. I can solve them, but when I am appearing for a mock I just freeze. My brain tells me.. “oh this is too hard, try other one”. The fear has grown so big that I can’t read the question statement properly. And the worst is, I don’t realise this. For me its just a difficult question worth skipping. And even if I attempt, I fail to answer it (because the fear clouds by ability to interpret the problem).
I don’t know what to do and only 10days left for the exam. Can anyone suggest a tip or anything.
i had one fear, to be alone. used to i could not even sleep by myself it was so bad. i wood get scared and hyperventalate if i was left alone. but now i see that fear is irrelevant and only apart of our minds. i learned that you can overtake what you are afraid of……..there is nothing frightening about the dark if you just face it……….now i am scared of nothing……
how can I overcome a fear of riding horses? I had a bad accident years ago in my twenties, but I want to feel the confidence and fun I had as a kid again.
can you help me?
Hi Warren,
You’re article really hepled me alot. I did like you said and wrote down all of my fears and afterwards I was able to narrow them down to 3 main fears. This made me understand my fears and also made me realize that they can be overcome. However, it will take some time.
Thank you
Best regards,
Matt
i am always fear at the time talking with my bose, entracting in class & talking with sinors. I am a chartered accounted in future, if i will fear this type, so how will exist in my life and the another thing that i am unknown a good conversaction with others. pleas direct me that how to overcome this difficulties
are you guys serious ? this is one of the worst articles i have ever read. this is a person who thinks they have overcome fear.dont fear reality. dont fear what you can see and understand. fear what you cant see…..fear what you cant understand. theres only one effective way to overcome fear. anger. when your angry at something you forget about fear.
starting a business is bullshit, the govenment is a business and its destroying the planet
money allows me to overcome all obsticals yet money is an illusion, its transfered on electrical signals these days. thats all i have to say
Great nuggets of good advice. The best one i use…asking the question - whats the worst that could happen and then what? however you need a element of faith in your abilities and realise that you can think it thru with a level head. Try not to let people harrass or pressure you into a fast solution that puts you into the fear zone. relax take a deep breath and kick ass by asking and thinking this thru. the more you do it the better you get at it. challenge your self by turning things over until you get good at it. All the best!!
Nym
I am a christian. In the christian perspective, fear is a torment and it is a demonic spirit that needs to be casted out of someone by the power in the blood of Jesus. one of the ways to overcome fear is by knowing your authority through the word of GOD (the bible) GOD has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and sound mind.if you are a christian you can easily overcome fear in all realm of life.
Thanks for the good article. I am a Muslim and it helped me. Also i have a prayer for all:
http://www.al-islam.org/sahifa/dua50.html
So have mercy upon me,O Most Merciful of the merciful!
Show me forbearance,O Possessor of majesty and munificence!
And turn toward me,Surely Thou art Ever-turning, All-compassionate!
Mir
Hello ,
I am developing Social Phoebia.. I dont feel comfertable in Talking to Others.. ! i just think so many times before talking to people.i just hesitate to buy something or go at public places. bothering myself. that what people think of myself. as i lonely from 4-5 years.
I barely remember any friend from 10th std.
as i gt bullied in school after that
its 4 years after that situation. and now my Social Phobia is at peak. i left my college.
I feel so helpless Now
Someday i feel better after Self talking
. But After that..
Its All Same.. I find difficult 2 sleep even
Help Me.
Savvy..
I’m addicted to fear I’ve gone to the Dr. for years to overcome it.He’s told me to deal with it. If I knew how to deal wth it I wouldn’t need help. I’m afraid of just about everything. I’ afraid of the dark. I’m afraid dieing. I’m afraid of my Mother dieing. She is the person I trust the most in life beside God. I trust my Wife also. When I was 56 I had a panic attack so bad Mother wanted to call an ambulance to take me away. I graduated from High School & held ajob for 30 yrs. Now i feel like I’m a failure to do anything else. I belong to several fraternal organizations & have accomplished many things in the oranization. I need to overcome this fear because it is ruining my healh. I was abused all through school. I want to deal with this problem. I just don’t know how. My Wife loves me & my Mother loves me but I’m making us all miserable. with my fear. I’ve even been to AA meetings with it. I’d appreciate any suggestions. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my situation except my Wife & Mother. Thanks for listening.
good article i have a fear of panic attacks scared to go places because i think i might have one.
“We fear death because we don’t know what happens after it” THe bible says waht comes after death in Hebrews 9:27 “And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment” It is eithe Heaven or hell.IT is not that we dont know it is jut we don’t want to believe. It is either Heaven or hell . You are in control of that decision. Trust GOd embrace crist to enter in to haven
romans 10:9 ;that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
I have fears of giving a speach in front of the people and i feal i can’t give a speach. I always make silly mistakes whenever i am speaking. What can i do since i am a professional person ,these fears are shortening all hopes. This thing is killing me. I am begining to feal that i am a failure though i am a degreed somebody.
i have fear of so many things like pointed and sharp things like knife and nail etc. whenever i see these things i close my eyes, i feel like they will harm me in anyway. also i have fear of crowd, i can’t give speeches. and i also have fear of doing wrong things, whenever i do something new i caught by the fear that i am not able to do it and will make huge mistakes. plz help me bcoz these things are big hurdles in my life and stopping me to get my goals in life.
plz help me
My manager has asked me to change from coding(my present team) to QA team on a temporary basis.But now i am hearing that i have been put on a permanent basis.i want to talk to my manager about it.But i am afraid what he will think as i am a new joinee.
Please help me.
really a well written article.
Hmm..great, it is!
thank u for helping me but i think i cannot overcome it
the article is rilly nice….bt i hve sum fears…i think kind unnecassary fears….lyk wat wil happen if a loot breaks into my house lyk dat…..these thoughts rilly pester n i cnt gt ova dm…….suggest sth…plz…
fear is the antsipation of pain ,you don’t know what will happen to you laiter or in the feutre, so fear is not real don’t try to think so .
God will continue strenghten you. I really appreciate this article……more of it.
Are you trying to say have the public to know that you are dynamic?
This article is terrible.
I am currently in college now and taking a Public Speaking class. My first speech was a inform speech on Pro-Choice. The speech went fairly well, I think. The speech was suppose to been a 3 to 5 minute speech, but I spoke for 12 minutes to my own suprise. My next speech we have approximatly 10 choices to select from and I chose, “How to overcome a fear or obstacle”. That lead me to this sight. What you have explained did get me to thinking and I believe you are right. Plus I liked the reply you received from #45 I will try to do the speech justice. Thanks
my name is kenneth 21yrs male
there is one night may 25 2010 i have a dream of were i was with my friend at a army NDA training, as we are some people started shooting and as we are runing i got shot. when i woke up in the morning i said my prayer and canceled it, then after some times, i remembered the nightmare, and a very strong and strange feeling came i was so afraid in my mind a spirit is just telling me that i will die now, as it was telling me that i will die now, i started fighting it but its too strong for me, i ran outside and use water to watch my face but no way. so i called someone that prayer-ed for me and i reduced. and at that moment it happened am suggesting that is a spiritual manipulation from my town because i won a federal scholarship (NDA military school)in my town there are some people who hate us. up till now am still having the feeling any time i remembered it.
and its doing as if am getting mad
please i need help its disturbing me seriously
its coming with force very strange, and once it comes,it come as if am getting mad i dont know how to explain it. any time i remembered it an so afraid and i gives me a heart beat
Don’t read this hack.
[...] in our lives. I found a neat article that touches on this very topic. You can check it out here . The most common solutions to overcoming fears seems to be understanding your fears and then [...]
Kenneth d NDA man, d only advise i have 4 u is 2 please God, dat is have faith in God, 4get ur village people and concentrate on God. D bible says he dat call on d name of d lord shall b saved. Call on God cocerning dis matter and he will get u out. Don’t give up until u win. tammytsk@yahoo.com
i am still afraid
i am feeling confident..i used to fesr abt anything or rather everything………….thanx
I brought a girl here from another country…I was so full of excitement and over dramatic love, so I thought….now we are together 5 years later and I am not in love, but if I leave she will struggle. I am not the marriage kind and absolutely hate it…she is an absolutely wonderful woman that would make a marriage minded guy very happy…I am afraid of MAKING A MOVE TO CLAIM BACK MY FREEDOM…I have fears of knowing about the next guy someday etc etc…I probably never will act…I made my bed so I guess I have to sleep in it….FOREVER….UGGH !
BEST WAY OF GETTING RID OF FEAR IS TO PRACTICE SILENCE MEDITATION. IT STRENGTHENS YOUR MIND TO AVOID WRONG AND UNNECESSARY EMOTIONAL DISTRUBANCES INCLUDING FEAR. IF YOUR FEAR IS A DISORDER WHICH REQUIRES MEDICAL SUPPORT ALSO YOU MAY TAKE MEDICINES AND PRACTICE ONLY ‘SILENCE’ MEDITATION
I am just afraid to go out at night. Fear is what does it to me. At 34 I cant shake the fear.
I really appreciate your article. Coincidentally i have been struggling with anxiety disorder for years now and with your article it give me hope. However i feel helpless to try and in most instances take medication to help me. I wish i do not have to take any medication but sometime i overcome and a next time i feel helpless. Anyway i feel hopeful even for the thought and your expression on this topic of fear. I am going to copy and keep same.
Well said buddy. Worries have got nothing good to offer us so we just have to do away with them. You might want to consider checking out this article -http://gettingyourfreedom.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-to-get-over-your-worries-7.html
HiMy greatest passion is public speaking, lecturing & spiritual teaching.
Could you please & I say please tellme what to do to iliminat e this fear, because my passion is very hudge.
Thank you in advance
Jose Melo
Hello,
An excellent well written blog post with valuable information about overcoming fear. I totally agree that you need to recognise the fear and then get curious about what it’s telling you. That way the negative feeling of fear, which can totally freeze you and stop you from taking action, is turned into a positive resource.
All the best,
Noelyne Jones
P.S. Get more tips on overcoming fear in my Free Special Report here http://www.howtoovercomeyourfears.com
Please help me. I do not know why i started fearing people, I do not talk these days, feel a kind of depressed. I lost my job also, I feel that i’m forgetting everything. Please help me..
thanks for your post! it was really usefull
this is helpful…..
i am scared of everything and the school i go to is haunted sowat am i to do i don’t even believe in ghosts bu me and my friends are in a hgost club where we lookfor ghosts and ask questions and stuff like that.
it interest me the topic of,Sarah Taylor#15
more getting off my mind
overcome of fear is excellent
excellent site
well this was helpful really
hope all people not be afraid and live happily and peacefully
I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that building confidence is the same as training a muscle.
It begins weak and we have to start working it out. Then in order to make progress, we have to lift heavier and heavier weights (face bigger and bigger fears) but once we train up to a strong level, we can lift all the light weights that used to be difficult for us, with a newfound ease! (Our old fears no longer bother us)
I feel myself always fear something.For example make a speech in front of the classmates.But somedays ago,I found I had to do this because of something,so I prepar well to do it.I think I can do it and do well.
great! i recommmend
it doesnt overcome my fear of the girl from the exorsist though
Not so easy to overcome the emotional state which it feels so intense and tangible in the face of fear… I do recommend the book From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey for those who want to find more about it.
Im afraid of giving speech infront of people. I’ve followed your ways and i realised that actually i’ve no enough confidence.
I love this article
i’m always fear for anything. .i dn’t know wt a reason 4 that. . .plz guide me
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This article was helpful and motivating. Thank you!
hi
thanks for sharing this wonderful articles. cheers
I read your article and found it completely and utterly enlightening. The one thing that alot of people aren’t finding is all the answers to their questions in a single article. You showed us how we can banish our fears, and on the side for me I realized that if we play every scenario of what could POSSIBLY happen under the moon with our fears, then we’re really just being illogical about it. I found all my answers in your article. I am going to aspire to be a singer soon. The only fear you should have is fear itself. Why? Because we are our fear. We stand in our own way all the time. If we took one simple step back and LOOKED at why we truly had a fear, it’d simply be the root of all fears. Fear of the unknown. Whether we’ll make it or not. So using another quote (I know I use many lol) that I live by is this ” Fear is just excitement with a need for an attitude adjustment.” Even in your roller coaster story. YUP. I suggest we ALL look back on this article one day as a rememberance that we can do anything as long as we don’t stand in our own way. Adjust your fear to excitement and you can do ANYTHING.
You’re right An. You have the rare aptitude to accept reality and even death. Unfortunately this is not so common. For people that have fear to speak in public, or Social Phoebia or fear of panic attacks or of someothing else, this mindset is not so easy to develop.
Sometimes the will alone doesn’t seem to be enough. I believe that to really change internally we have to change our unconscious mind. Unfortunately we are educated and bombarded, even in good faith, with messages that tend to blow up our fears. It’s an unequal struggle. To gain access to our unconscious minds, to create a new habit to think in the way you mentioned, I think we must supercharged ourselves with the right stimuli.
I’m trying to spread the DIDO thinking (Diamonds In - Diamonds Out) instead of the virus of GIGO (Garbage in - garbage out).
I think that the type of information that we digest, determine our health and our well-being and the fears that we have. If you might be interested, try to give a look at StoRyforging, stories that change There are also free T-shirts with motivational phrases.
Sorry for my english, I’m italian
i have one fear that i cant overcome how do i overcome the fear of people judging me?
i have fear of people i cant handle situation wen there is any problem i react for every silly thing n get fear.n i get carried away very often.n i agree for everything watever people say
i wanted solution for that]
I have a huge fear of auditions - especially when it involves singing because (unlike acting auditions) there’s no hiding it or “using” it in something so technical. Here’s the kicker - I’m a professional actress but my anxiety has multiplied by 100 since I moved to NYC! I’ve actually found myself avoiding auditions! I’ll dress up, warm up and show up bright and early - but then decide I have a good reason why I shouldn’t audition for this particular show…..What am I doing?! Also, when I get a callback - sometimes the thought of getting something big seems like too much to comprehend and I’ll actually do very poorly because I’m not myself. Perhaps afraid of succeeding? Please help!!!!
Thank you for the info
I am also trying to do a over come fear site.
Its called Overcomemyfear
i have a fear of lonliness? how to overcome ???
i also have the fear of how people will judge me and fear of why i am fearing so much things ???
ONE SOLUTION FOR ALL PROBLEMS
An extract from The Best of R.A.Torrey is given below:
A young woman in England many years ago always wore a golden locket that she would not allow anyone to open or look into and everyone thought there must be some romance connected with that locket and that in that locket must be the picture of the one she loved. The young woman died at an early age and after her death the locket was opened, everyone wondering whose face they would find within. And in the locket was found just a little slip of paper with these words written - “Whom having not seen, I love.” (I Pet 1:8). Her Lord Jesus was the only lover she knew and the only lover she longed for.
Yes, one master solution for all our problems is to fall in love with our Lord and that is what we find in Luke 10:27a, where it says, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind . . . It obviously means that we should love Him with all our faculties.
Basically, in the Old Testament, God gave the Ten Commandments. All the laws in the Old Testament can be condensed into these Ten Commandments. Somebody once figured out that there are 35 million laws trying to enforce these Ten Commandments. In other words, all the laws emerge out of these Ten Commandments. In the New Testament, however these very Ten Commandments are condensed into just two. The first which is to ‘love the Lord’.
Let us briefly analyze the above verse:
Firstly, it says ‘with all your heart’. Loving God ‘with all your heart’ obviously implies that we should love God more than anyone or anything else. Our aim should be not to please people but God in all things. In John 5:41, Jesus declared, I am not looking for human praise. Again in John 12:43, the Lord said referring to a group of people that, They loved human approval rather than the approval of God. People crave to win the approval of those around them, but Jesus wasn’t like that. In fact, in John 8:29, He said that He always does that which pleases the father. Hence, we need to show our love towards God by setting our hearts on Him alone and pleasing Him. A saying goes like this; love is seeking to make another person happy; thus, we need to love the Lord and make Him happy.
It seems, a newly married man took-up two jobs just to please his wife with gifts and material comfort but she left him for another man with her complain being that, “she wanted her man to spend time with her”.
Thus, our priority on which we set our hearts on should be to give God the first place in our lives.
Secondly it says, ‘with all your soul’. Here the ‘soul’ refers to the emotional area of one’s life. In 1Th 5:16 it says, Be joyful always. One chooses to be joyful only when he or she has the complete faith that all his or her problems and/or worries are taken care of. While on the other hand, it is understood that whoever rejoices in the Lord, has already exercised his or her faith in the Lord.
Consider this saying; If you brood over your troubles you will have a perfect hatch. We should love Him emotionally too. Psa 37:4 says, Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Hab 3:17-18 says, Even though the fig trees have no fruit and no grapes grow on the vines, even though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no grain, even though the sheep all die and the cattle stalls are empty, I will still be joyful and glad, because the LORD God is my savior. Here the author makes his stand of faith clear by saying that nothing would stop him from rejoicing in the Lord.
Thirdly it says, ‘with all your strength’. Strength implies ‘deeds’ as deeds emerge out of strength. Reading the Bible, praying, attending fellowship and witnessing for the Lord on a regular basis are the important deeds that express our love for the Lord. 1Co 15:58 says . . . Keep busy always in your work for the Lord, since you know that nothing you do in the Lord’s service is ever useless. A saying goes like this: ‘Faith and works are as inseparable as sun and sunlight. Faith is the sun and good works are its rays’. Jas 3:13 says, Are there any of you who are wise and understanding? You are to prove it by your good life, by your good deeds performed with humility and wisdom.Mat 3:8 says, Do those things that will show that you have turned from your sins.
Finally it says, ‘with your entire mind’. Here the ‘mind’ refers to the decision making aspect of our life. Deciding to obey the Word at all times, at all cross-roads that we face, results in expressing our love for the Lord. John 14:15 says, If you love me, you will obey my commandments. Someone is reported to have asked a successful concert violinist, as to how she became so skilled. She said it was by ‘planned-neglect’, that is, she planned to neglect everything that was not related to her goal.
Gen 22:2-3 says, “Take your son,” God said, “your only son, Isaac, whom you love so much, and go to the land of Moriah. There on a mountain that I will show you, offer him as a sacrifice to me. Early the next morning Abraham cut some wood for the sacrifice, loaded his donkey, and took Isaac and two servants with him. They started out for the place that God had told him about. Abraham demonstrated his love for the Lord over his own son, whom he loved so much, that he decided and started off to offer his son in the early morning of the following day. This is the real love for the Lord that shows itself in action.
If one were to make these four aspects of love towards God involving the ‘heart’, ‘mind’, ‘soul’ and ‘strength’ as the four corners of one’s spiritual foundation, nothing, I repeat, nothing, would ever be able to shake us. In other words, falling in love with the Lord gives us a special anointing to overcome each and every onslaught of the evil one through whomever it may choose to attack us, thus keeping us unaffected.
In Eph 2:4 it says that, God’s love for us is very great. Hence, He commanding and expecting us to love Him is not only logical but it is, in fact, for our own good.
In 1Ch 17:20 we read that, King David prayed saying, LORD, there is none like you; we have always known that you alone are God.
Some phrases meant for referring to the love for the Lord from the book of Song of Solomon are as follows:
- Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my dearest compared to other men. . .
- My lover is handsome and strong; He is one in ten thousand.
- My lover speaks to me.
- My lover is mine and I am His.
- He is altogether lovely.
The hymn writer Fanny Crosby gave us more than 6,000 gospel songs. Although blinded by an illness at the age of 6 weeks, she never became bitter. One time when a preacher sympathetically remarked, “I think it is a great pity that the Master did not give you sight when He showered so many other gifts upon you.” She quickly replied, “Do you know that if at birth I had been able to make one petition, it would have been that I should be born blind?” “Why?” asked the surprised clergyman. “Because when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Savior!”
The above extract taken from Bible.org, shows that Fanny Crosby was able to overcome her problem only because of the fact that she fell in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. No wonder, Mat 22:38 says that, “This is the greatest and the most important commandment”. Whatever your problem is, this is the only solution.
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[...] How To Overcome Fear And The Obstacles It CreatesI just hope that they help me conquer my fear. dibya on July 3rd, 2008 6:49 pm. i don’t know why i feel fear while giving speech. suggest me … [...]
giggle balls
im the disco dancer
so ask me?
idiots!!!
at pro workplace reported young adult of rank language u name it he said it abt the females at the desk, heard from one hall to the other loud/clear & clients couldn’t help but hear it. I reported him. He came over walked behind me put two fingers (like a gun) on back of my head, called my name, and yelled “bang!” walked away, never once looked back. Told mgrs he was kidding, since then I stay locked in my house, don’t answer if someone knocks, look around when I step out, go to vehicle fear he is there. He loves guns, impulsive male. My workplace said he was just kidding, I don’t. that is my fear he will kill me. this happen march 2011, now Aug 2011. He still comes over hints at concealed weapons, I still report everything he says, he still works here. I can’t let anyone know or him that he instills fear in me b/c so many know him and the mesage would get back at him.
You’ve got great insights about Be Possitive - Do not Scare - Stop Anxiety Fast - No Panic, keep up the good work!
[...] the time to resolve your doubts but don’t be afraid to act in the meantime. By making a decision, you will have an idea of what [...]
Hi… I have a really big fear and it’s killing me… I panicked really often and for no reason at all… Just walking out of my house would cause me to panick, and then i would have to use the washroom, like all the time… (.///.) I think it’s because of what happened to me when i was young, and the panick attack i got recently… This is definitely the most embarrassing fear ever…
boring…does’nt conquer my fear…
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Absolutely good suggetions for fear above.
I got 1 way too means: imagine that u r fearful about anything or any person,now it comes before u again & u wish that this fear arising reason could have died then how pleasant it wud hv been & u get frustated by that fear,but this is the only point you have to think :
“I WAS fearing this person(male/female) was my PAST,I AM fearful about this person is my illusion because if i am fearful to him now it is only because of past happened things but now the present is going on,the present is running.
So i was fearful to this person was my past,not my present but I AM NOT FEARFUL TO THIS PERSON NOW and why should I ? ”
See,+ve thoughts and +ve sayings to yourself with some sort of understanding about past and present have a miraculous effect on your mind and work psycologically. Do it and feel the difference.
Cont..
And after convincing yourself by those miraculous words let the further work process(example, conversation,etc) go on fluently and after the complete process u’ll find that u didn’t fear.. All the best!!!
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Great article i pray that all people will be able to overcome fear in one way or another.
the real cause of all phobia and anxiety have to do with how strong your vestibular system is. the strong your vestibular system, the more you can handle without breaking mentally. in a study done by dr peter levinson, he writes in his book phobia free that 90% of people with phobia, anxiety, panic attack disorder were suffering from an underlying physical problem — inner ear disorder/vestibular disorder. so basically, it’s not as easy as just saying get over it or that someone can talk you out of it. you have to fix the underlying physical problem before your mind can heal!
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thanks for the post.
I used to be scared of all kind of things in life. I was afraid of hights and I didn’t really have a social life because I was always nervous to talk to strangers…
I read this book “get out of your comfort zone” and it really helped me, because it pushed me to do things, even though I was afraid of them. So I did that and after every exercis I was more confident and step by step my fears disappeared, I’m still working on it but I already feel much better.
This is the book I’m talking about:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1466262877/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=immmehlebblo-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=1466262877
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I agree with your advise about knowing the root of your fears. With that in mind, you can then slowly find solutions on how to overcome your fears. There was a video that really made a great impression on me just today and I con’t help but share it. It’s a video from Marie Forleo about ehy we should not get over our fears. It’s really an interesting video to watch. http://marieforleo.com/2011/04/fear-advantage-cool-brain-trick/