Jan
27
Why Sex Is The Most Important Emotion
Filed Under Conciousness, Motivation & Purpose, Relationships, The Bigger Perspective |
In Think And Grow Rich, Napolean Hill had listed sex as the most important out of all the human emotions. This had always confused me a lot, as love would seem like a more important one. Love allows you to want to give to others and make them happier. Love allows you to become selfless and work for the common good of humanity. Isn’t that more important than just sex? It seemed like a far more noble emotion!
As I thought about this, I am reminded of something my girlfriend had said a while back: “When you only want something, you can live without it. When you absolutely need something, you begin to change yourself to make it work.” And I realized - that is exactly what’s so wonderful about sex!
Every day, we are reminded of this need as we get turned on by various stimuli. And it is a need. We are biologically programmed to want it. We need it to create babies. We need it to get a real sense of closeness. Anyone who hasn’t experienced it before they die would probably have at least a strong curiosity as to what it would’ve been like! In fact, the human race need to have sex in order to survive!
So why did nature build this innate need into us? Wouldn’t it be easier to propagate the race if we could just reproduce on our own? Why do we have to go through this hassle just to survive?
As I sought an answer to this question, my mind drifted to memories of myself a few years ago. I was nearing the end of college, working hard in hopes of finding a good job. Most of my time was spent in a computer lab plugging away on various projects. I loved my work and the people I was doing it for. However, when things didn’t go my way and I got angry, I simply stopped talking to the people causing the anger - permanently. My position required no real need for other people, so this worked just fine. There was no real desire to consider their feelings or what they wanted.
Fast forward a year when my desire for sex and reproduction took over. I wanted to date people and get to know them better. All of a sudden, getting angry and complaining didn’t get me what I want anymore. “Hey!” I suddenly realized, “People don’t like to talk to people who get angry and complain to them all the time!” Then slowly, I started on the path of learning about human relations.
And that is exactly what sex does! It drives you to start understanding the perspectives of other people. Because there is something you want badly that somebody else has, you are forced to listen to what they want! You are obligated to try to understand their perspective. You have to give other people an incentive to give you want you want, and you can only do that by learning about what they want!
If we were all asexual beings, there would be no need for other people. There would be no driving force for people to cooperate and work together! We can just go about our day never understanding the ways we can help each other. It is no wonder that Napolean Hill claims sex to be the most important emotion! As we learn about the opposite sex, we learn more about people in general. We learn that people are different, and then learn to appreciate those differences. We learn that two people together can be greater than the sum of their parts!
Because of this, we can see why Hill would think sex is a much more important emotion than love. Sure, love allows you contribute positively to society, but only sex gives you the desire to learn about the other person. It makes you learn about what you should be giving, and forces you to adapt to fill that role. With only love, you might give things a shot, but at the end of the day, you don’t have to give everything you have to make it work. And giving everything you have is precisely what tends to make human relationships work well!
It’s a very amazing system that nature has created! We need sex to reproduce and survive as a species. Sex forces us to start considering other people’s perspectives. Those who are unable to do that are people who will be unable to find a mate! It’s almost like a rite of passage that says, “Only people who understand other people past a sufficient level has the right to continue existing (through their children)”.
In effect, sex is nature’s way of saying, “Work together! Or Die!”
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Your girlfriend phrase is nonsense. And people can live without sex at all. But not without love. Thats a fact.
I cant say your post is right or wrong because we all have various opinions but it definitely struck an interest for me to look more into the whole aspect of love.
I do however believe that, at least from personal experience and readings i have done that sex has a very positive impact on peoples happiness.
Keep up the posts.
i dunno bout emotion but i no i need to get off a lot or i get all grumpy
Its a little more complicated than that. I think sex is a very powerful driving force behind much of our actions, however, even without sex, humans still need to work together and form societies in order to survive. That is why we evolved language.
Humans are by nature very social creatures and that is why we are at the top of the animal kingdom. There are many other animals that live solitary lives, communicate very little with each other, and still have plenty of sex!
Tom, you are st00pid. People CAN’T live without sex; People CAN live without love. You are very DIM-WITTED!!! -Naul
I do not believe that this is a very accurate viewpoint. Sex is not difficult to come by. There are prostitutes, bar girls, booty calls, and various other ways that people can ‘get off’. The premise is ineteresting, but I believe that it is harder to find love, then to find sex. Also, I do not believe that people have to shift their perspectives to manipulate someone into their bed. Last, many people reproduce without establishing a close relationship with their mate. There are a lot of single mothers and fathers.
Perhaps I am missing the point. But, based on what I read this theory is incomplete.
The topic is titled ““Why Sex Is The Most Important Emotion”, NOT:
Love is Harder to Find than Sex, Made Up Facts About Sex and Love or We Need Both Sex and Love To Thrive.
The author simply made a point to say that it is the most IMPORTANT emotion. I’m 25 and have spent a good 1/3rd of my existence in a relationship. Not that its a lot but I have been in two 4+ year relationships and lost my V-card in my mid-teens. I’ve been active in both “games” and here’s what I can tell you…
Love: Is great. You need it for compassion, understanding and a sense of community. You need love for stability and for predictability. You need companionship? Turn to love. The problem is that love has some serious, serious drawbacks.
Love Drawbacks: Unbalanced love is unjust love. Have you ever loved someone more than they loved you? And knew it? Its miserable. Love allows you to put your guards down and when sh*t hits the fan, you become emotional. Why? Surprise. No one likes to be surprised. People that remain friends after breaking up are those that can tell you that “they kind of saw it coming…”. People will kill for love. Its much easier to fulfill sex than it is to fulfill love, therefore when you find “love”, you do not, and sometimes cannot, leave it. This is why you see couples that last a long time, but they’ll say something like “the last year was so shitty, but we had a good time”. People will hang on to bad-love longer than they will to good-sex. When was the last time you cried over a 1-night stand?
Sex Is Most Important: Sex provides the fuel for improvement. People become better “people persons” when they’re seeking “sex”. Have you ever heard those that decide to work out a ton, or eat healthy after someone breaks their heart? This is them getting ready for “sex”. How many times do you hear of someone gaining 20 lbs when they’re in stable relationships? Those that seek sex stay in better shape (FN1) ultimately, a more efficient society.
FN1: This is physically in better shape. Emotionally, Love and Sex have different effects on the psyche. This isn’t about the psychological effects of Love/Sex. Keep your eye on the ball.
People in shape are more productive individuals. Feel free to argue that one, but it might be a slippery slope, specially if you’re heavy.
Sex forces people to compromise more, be more open minded, more tolerant and accepting of others. It forces us to expose ourselves to more culture and more social interaction. You want the “sex” and you want it now. Regardless of whether you’re a heter-O or Hom-O, you will learn more about others and be more open-minded.
These are the building-blocks of human progression and the advancement of the human rance. Yes, we need to procreate, but we also need to be tolerant of each other. I say, if you promote diversity you should also be promoting “sex”.
Thoughts?
[...] has some astounding implications for me. First, on a macro level, it reminds me of a previous post Why Sex Is The Most Important Emotion. Not only does sex drive you to understand other people as mentioned in the post, it gives you a [...]
Great post, brings up some interesting points. I laughed as I read JP’s post saying:
“Have you ever heard those that decide to work out a ton, or eat healthy after someone breaks their heart? This is them getting ready for “sex”.”
That’s pretty much me right now lol. The only thing is, I’m doing to try and win a girl back who I (stupidly) lost. Which brings me to another thing you said, JP:
“Unbalanced love is unjust love. Have you ever loved someone more than they loved you? And knew it? Its miserable.”
Yeah no kidding. But from my personal current experience, I want to win her back purely for love - I know that I can get more sex if I play the game for a while at university, but for some reason that’s not so attractive right now. I guess what I’m saying is love CAN be just as powerful an emotion, in the right circumstances.
Keep blogging great stuff!
why some people saying: that there no love w/o romance. i think romance in every relationship is not very important.
`there are so many ways to show your love once how much u love that person and not only make love or six to prove of your love.
mind blowing account . this bit of knowledge is very important thanks
do me
I agree with author 100%. 2 of the 2 most powerful things are Sex and death. Those are also what, if intensely and not fun! experienced can cause confusion and pstd.
Ppl can confuse sex with love. It’s okay to love during sex, as a matter of fact it is known to be a way to reach enlightenment- see tantric sex and kama sutra. Westerners perhaps may scoff occasionally, but we could learn something from these several thousand year old civilizations that are in India and Asia, like the Chinese. The arrogence of the Westerners sometimes amazes me.
Anyhoo, imagine sitting w/ the female rocking on the male’s ‘unit’, staring into each other’s eyes for 6 hours straight?
Sting is a purporter of Tantra. I think he’s awesome anyway. Unconditional love CAN be huge and powerful. Sex is for pleasure, for one thing. The biological part of us can be a good thing and obviously can be very strong, even if we don’t reproduce (going against biological clock for exp.). When I was 19 with my now hubby of 31 yrs. we went to the ultimate old blind man massuer. He was purported to have been requested by the Playboy Club to be their one on site. (Refused) He had a waiting list, he was so neat. I was having confusion and attempting to be chaste. I found out I was having a blockage in my sexual organs point. It dawned on me, if blocking sex can cause poor health (in my case I was in a committed long term relationship) then mother nature was trying to tell me something and I got over it. My honey and I were thusly much better off for it.
I could go on for the size of a book, (hmm, interesting thought)since I’ve been a Romance Specialist successfully with 1k’s of customer for almost 17 yrs so far, and could wax seemingly infinitly on the subject.
So please ppl, relax about sex being so powerful. Sincere love of life can be too, and more things, but it’s about time some ppl stopped minimizing the importance of an incredibly valuable thing.
It’s when it is abused sometimes that can give it a trivialized bad name.
Thanks for your forum.
namaste, cynthia etcheverry
~If I held you any closer, I’d be behind you-Groucho Marx~
If there’s a person out there who ever got more sex by intellectually analyzing the nature of sex, I’d be very interested in meeting him/her.
Steven
my comment is that having sex with girl means not real love because is not 4 sex
Honestly, I think it’s pointless.
All the people I’ve talked to have all agreed that once you have sex for the first time, you cant stop having it. it becomes the main thing in your life and it drives you to always look for more.
Yes, nature made us this way and etc BUT
for an “evolved species”, I think we are acting a bit too much like regular animals driven by their instinct to breed.
I agree on one thing, animals also feel love, yes, but us humans have a stronger mental capacity and so, I think the love we feel is also stronger.
WHY, I ask, are we still SO BASIC as to be driven by sex?
honestly, all i see around me is people desperate in some way to get it. i find it pathetic!
When I searched this on google, I thought someone would tell me “no, sex isn’t the most important thing in life, there are other priorities and other things to enjoy that can be more important, sex is only physical” and crap like that.
Guess not.
I’m truly disappointed.
=(
oh, and I also don’t believe sex is an emotion.
I am an ‘asexual being’. I have never had a desire for sex, and I have no sexual impulses. I have experimented to see if sex was some big glorious activity, and if I would suddenly understand why everyone always talked about it so much. The only thing I found out is that it did nothing for me. Sex just doesn’t interest me. That’s not to say that I don’t need other people. I have emotional needs which the same as other people; I need to feel loved, to be cared about, to be wanted, and I do work as hard as I can to make sure those needs are met.
I know how to appreciate other people, and how to work together, and I understand their uniqueness and differences. Other people are vital, and wondering how I can help other people is always on my mind. I’m not some clueless and selfish shut-in, and I am in no way undeveloped or an evolutionary throwback.
My existence disproves your whole argument.
An interesting concept - that sex is an emotion, and that it’s the most important of all! Big statement… Big! In all my years of training and working with emotions, feelings, behaviors and crises, I have never ever heard ’sex’ referred to as an emotion. It can be a pre-occupation, a distraction and an addiction. It is a distinction, an action, a drive and a desire - but not an emotion. It can be a feeling, but it is still not an emotion.
As to whether it is ‘most important of all’, that depends on who states it is so - personal justifications, perceptions, desires, longings, experiences - these all color ones view, opinion and stance.
Sex is a glorious experience in the ‘appropriate’ circumstances (whatever that is from individual to individual and one of the cruelest when forced on one. (Though there are others.)
Personally, I don’t think isex is the most important - this is just a myth and excuse for lack of control or responsibility, but then again, I have learned to control it to a degree, and have even practiced celibacy - but most people cannot get their heads around not having this ‘need’ met and usually by someone else.
Sexuality, identity, and even spirituality are closely related and they need to be balanced or at least in harmony for a healthy life. According to many respected writings, the ability to love, as well as the gathering of knowledge are important aspects that we take with us from this earthly life - [though interestingly enough, we don't get to take (or have) sex on the other side apparently. Despite the promises of vestal virgins to certain sects of the population.
Whether this is true or not does not count.]
What does count is this - if sex is the important driving force to change, negotiate, improve, assist,care for or simply to be interested in others, then god help our children - for what does a loving mother give to her child if its tainted like this? Ridiculous.
And most young girls don’t render up their virginity for sex, but rather for what they see as ‘love’.
It appears to me that as usual, thinking with one’s anatomy is taking place yet again.
Give it a rest - it’s not all about sex!
Personal Development should surely be about seeing what is under this ‘important’ focus on sex?!?!
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I agree with this post to some extent. Although, your message was lost in the perplexity of the word “SEX”. Many people feel that this is strictly physical.
I have to say that I am currently changing my entire life because of this drive. But its not just the need to have sex. I can easily have sex right now if I really wanted to but I choose not to.
My drive and need is due to the intimacy that sex brings. I want to find someone for this but it cannot be just anyone. It has to be the right person. So, i’m changing my entire life and moving away to find this. I need to fulfill this or else I wont be happy. Just the progress of changing, alone, is enough to keep me happy and keep me striving towards that goal.
So, I can definitely see where you are coming from. Its a deep need that all of us share. People say that you can’t die if you don’t have this intimacy. I think you do. I think it might make you a little depressed, thus lessening the years of your life.